Mother's Day 0.5

So, I don't feel as though I can fully claim this day - yet.  And honestly, I'm totally fine with that.  Knowing that next mother's day I'll have a (human) teeny tiny to snuggle up with is something that I sometimes thought would never happen.  The past two Mother's Days have been extremely difficult for me...so much so last year that I taught my 4 year olds and then left church instead of going to service.  I didn't feel capable of handling all of the women walking around with roses (being handed out by staff) and little people clinging to them like they were the absolute center of the universe.  It hurt my heart so overwhelmingly.  I'm so grateful to not feel that pain today, but I'm so acutely aware of the many many women who are still feeling that feeling.  Membership to the infertility club requires lots of heartache and pain-but once you're in you have an understanding of that feeling forever.  Honestly right now the tears are flowing for all those waiting.  I can so easily revert to that state of mind but I know because of that my love and appreciation for this baby will be even stronger.
I didn't serve in my regular classroom this morning but instead ended up with the 1st and 2nd graders.  I sat down with some girls making cards for their moms and one girl said, "You get presents today too, right?"  I lit up and told her, "Not this time, but I have a baby in my belly, so I'll get to celebrate soon"  She preceded to say something that vain Jayme just loved...."You don't look pregnant!  We had a friend who was pregnant but we didn't know it for a while because she was skinny too and you couldn't even tell!"  Ohhhhhh sweet Lily!  Yes, I'm only 9 weeks and shouldn't really be showing.  Yes, I'm excited for the bump when the time comes.  But honestly, what girl doesn't like hearing "she was skinny TOO"  :-P  After the class the leader was giving roses to volunteer moms and he doesn't know me that well, so he gave me one and said "for mother's day", really just to cover himself in case I did have kids.  I lit up again.  I headed back to my "regular" wing and saw the director who I have shared the news with.  She got a funny look on her face when she saw the rose and asked, "Does everyone know?!"  Haha - just an accident but a happy one for sure!
I got several sweet texts, calls, FB messages and a card from my mom today and I'm so excited to add the mom club to the list those I have a membership to.  James even bought me tulips :-)  I'm putting in the work now and by next year my membership will include ALL privileges!