Amazed

I am so amazed and truly grateful of the outpouring of support we received when we "went public" yesterday!  To know that so many people have been praying for us and cheering for us for so long is hard to comprehend.  Thank you so much.  Know that prayers were heard - and not just because we're pregnant now.  Throughout the whole process at times where I was the most down and unsure that I could continue walking the uncertain path of infertility I would feel a sense of calm.
When we were waiting for the results of this attempt we actually took a pregnancy test on March 31st.  It was on the cusp of being too early to know, but I felt sure that we'd get the correct result.  The test was negative.  James asked me if I was okay and when I told him I was I really really meant it.  This time was different and the negative test didn't feel like the end of the world.  I knew we would try again next month and keep trying until we got the result we wanted.  That whole day I was fine.  I felt so different from all of the other "negative" test days.  So the next day I was about to call to schedule our appointment for the next month and I got a strong sense that I needed to test again.  It was the middle of the day on a Friday and I was slightly annoyed.  This is a waste of time and money but fine, I'll test again, watch it turn negative and THEN call.  So I came upstairs and very quickly as I was watching it develop (I didn't feel the need to waste the whole 3-5 minutes) it started looking like TWO lines.  Obviously two lines.  I ran out of the bathroom and started pacing up and down the hallway.  Literally talking to myself..."Oh my gosh.  What do I do?  That can't be right!  James is going to KILL me for doing this without him!"  Went back in 3 minutes later to a test that was as positive as I was shocked.  I drove to James' work immediately and handed him the test.  "Pregnant??!" and then "YOU TOOK IT WITHOUT ME?!'  Oops :-)  We were excited but also extremely skeptical and went to the dollar store the next day to buy 5 more.  (Excessive?  Yes, but one can never see a positive test too many times when you've seen a bazillion negatives!)  We took one we still had the next morning (before the Dollar Store venture) and got a much fainter positive.  But the Dollar Store test later in the day was truly positive.  So were the next 4 we took while on vacation in Jamaica and shortly after coming home :)  We got to tell my parents the day after we found out which is a story for another post, but it was awesome.
So apparently I just needed to accept that what will be will be.  As soon as I did that - voila!  As an added jab, I have ALWAYS been dead set against having a baby in November or December.  I felt his/her birthday would get lost in the craziness of the holidays and because birthdays are so special to me I was not happy about that thought.  We are due December 10th.  How's that for an in-your-face message?  HEY JAYME-it's not up to you.  It's not your time, it's Mine.  And every year when we deliberately celebrate this child's birthday I'll be reminded that it's not up to me.  It's not my time, it's His.  And you know what, it's probably better that way! :-)