Appointment #3

I can't believe I posted yesterday without talking about my appointment on Monday morning but it was pretty uneventful (in a good way of course).  My mom got to come with me which was very cool.  We went back and I talked to a grad student who then tried very hard to find the baby's heartbeat.  She did finally find it after finding mine about 8 times (who knew you could hear your heartbeat in your stomach!?).  Still good and strong - around 160 BPM still.  Weight gain is right on track and no other concerns.  We didn't have any of the 1st or 2nd trimester screening done because none of the results would have changed anything we do anyway so why bother?

So, that was it.  Easy and quick appointment.  The next one is on July 12th and we already know that's a biggie! :)

It's a......

Just kidding.  We'll be able to answer that question 2 weeks from today.  In the meantime, I'd like to add my two cents on the subject, for what it's worth.

First, I think it's actually quite hilarious that just after the big reveal of "IT'S A BOY!" or "IT'S A GIRL!" the reaction is exactly the same.  There is extreme jubilation and hugging and crying and shrieking and even some "I can't believe it!" 's.  Well, there was a 50/50 shot so you knew it was going to be one or the other!  I do get that it's a big surprise and I assure you that my family (and my) reaction will be exactly what I've just described.  There is nothing wrong with it.  It's not a bad thing.  It's just always been funny to me.  I also wonder how many in that joyous crowd are secretly disappointed that they either predicted wrong or just wanted whatever they aren't getting.

Which brings me to my next point.  Most of you probably know that two years ago when James and I started trying for a baby I was dead set on having a boy.  It was to the point that I really felt like I'd cry for days if I heard the words "it's a girl".  I am one of three sisters.  We have all grown up with female friends.  Girls are mean to their moms and mean to each other.  Mean to each other in a different and more callous way than boys are mean to each other.  I know this isn't a universal trend but it's what I experienced (sorry mom).  Plus, we've never had boys around.  And I wanted one.  I genuinely believe that part of the reason we were made to wait was to teach me to stop being a jerk.  You'll get what you get and you'll be happy about it.  Until a few days ago I really thought I was in that place.  Sure I'd still PREFER a boy but my heart has softened considerably and I think I'll be okay even if it IS a girl :-)  But the "I REEEEEALLLLYY want a boy!" thoughts are creeping back up.  I don't want to be sad if it's a girl.  I don't want there to be an obvious look of disappointment if we cut into the cake and see pink.  I unfortunately can't assure you that I won't be disappointed.  So, if that happens and it turns out we are having a girl I will simply have to make a list of why little boys are terrible and no one would ever want one (I kid, I kid).  The good news is I can actually come up with reasons now why having a little girl would be fun.  That was not the case 2 years ago.  I'm making progress but the ultimate progress test might come in two weeks if that cake is pink.  The reveal will be on video so I'll be able to check my face before I show it to anyone else ;-P  Until then, think boy thoughts people!!

Week 16

Getting bigger and bigger!  Have an appointment in the morning so I'll have an update after that.  Holding around 4 pounds gained so far even though it looks like more.  Also, via a friend's blog I think I've solved the "waking up dehydrated" mystery.  The amniotic fluid is completely replaced every few hours (every 3 hours by the 3rd trimester!).  During the day I'm drinking plenty of water to help with that.  But overnight I go 7-8 hours without replenishing the fluid THUS - wake up super dehydrated....very very interesting!  Also,  Christa is visiting with her mom and my parents and she loves to say hi to the baby and give him/her kisses :-) 

A confession

I hesitated about posting this because I'm afraid it will come out wrong or be taken the wrong way.  But I've decided that the people I think come and check in on us know me and my heart well enough.  So here it is.  I expected to get pregnant and instantly be head-over-heels-crazy-stupid connected and in love.  Knowing our baby is growing inside me I thought would certainly be enough to form an instant obvious connection.  But I didn't.  And still really don't feel that way.  It doesn't feel (most of the time) like there is anything going on in there.  Sure I think about it a lot, especially because I make hundreds of choices a day that are affected by the fact that I'm not just making them for me.  I feel like this could be the result of either A) I had it all wrong and it doesn't work that way or B) dealing with 2 years of waiting has made it much harder to accept that we finally have what we want.

If it's A I'd be fine with that.  But I'd be interested to know how other people feel when they get pregnant.  Will this feeling change when I find out if we're having a boy or a girl?  When we pick a name?  When I feel the first undeniable movement?  When we have a nursery set up?  Not until we are holding him/her?  I have no doubt that I was born to be a mom and I have so much love to give.  I have no doubt that I'll love this baby to the end of the earth and back, but I just expected to feel that way sooner rather than later.

If it's B I'd very much understand that too.  24 months of trying meant 24 times NOT getting what we wanted.  When we found out we were pregnant we were super skeptical.  Neither of us wanted to get too excited.  It didn't feel real because it hadn't been real for so long and because I think we both thought staying distant would lessen the pain if anything bad happened.  Am I still holding back because of our past?  I genuinely don't know the answer to that question.

I can't wait to hold and snuggle our baby.  I can't wait to see James with a tiny baby sprawled out on his chest.  But those images don't come easily to me.  To be completely honest most images like that don't come easily.  I think I've shared before that when I daydream it is VERY SPECIFIC.  I guess because a lot of the blanks aren't filled in yet it's hard for my daydreams to have any shape.  I have an appointment on Monday and will hear the heartbeat again.  I feel like I'm holding my breath until that moment just in case it's bad news and they can't find anything.  I sure hope that goes away.  Maybe the anatomy ultrasound will help - seeing the baby with defined arms and legs and tiny features.

So that is what I'm feeling - for better or for worse.  I'm trying not to let it get in the way of enjoying what we worked so long and hard for.  But it's hard to enjoy something that doesn't feel real.  Here's hoping it starts feeling real and I can start being in the moment ASAP.

Some things I've noticed, part three

Turns out it's true when they say that your skin itches while it's stretching.  The tummy isn't growing fast enough to itch yet but the ta ta's on the other hand....if I knew what poison ivy felt like I'd probably compare it to that.  I'll let you know when the belly starts itching too, but hopefully they will trade off instead of all itching at the same time!

My hair isn't falling out quite as much.  Before I got pregnant I was always shocked that I had any hair left on my head at all.  I still lose a bit after I wash my hair but it's definitely not as much and not as often during the day.  A friend said that happened to her too, but after she had the twins all the hair that *didn't* fall out while she was pregnant came out pretty quickly.  Ohhhh how I'm looking forward to that!  So is James - tub drain clean out will be happening more often it sounds like.

I'm supposed to be able to feel my uterus about 3-4 inches below my belly button.  Unfortunately I have no idea what a uterus feels like so I don't know if I can or not.  I've pushed on my stomach around there but it just feels like regular guts to me.

I read that even though Baby D's eyes are still closed (s)he can sense light so if we put a flashlight up to my belly (s)he would probably move away from the light.  I do think it's funny that the baby moves away from the light instead of towards it.  Don't move toward the light until you're done cooking in there!

My emotions aren't always amped up but when they are they ARE.  At the beginning of last week I realized that I had bought a value pack of chicken breast and put it in the bottom drawer of the fridge because there wasn't room anywhere else.  When I found it it was on the cusp of the use by date.  I had James smell it and he confirmed it was bad.  I kind of lost it and was really mad about it all day.  HOW could I WASTE $11 worth of chicken?!?!  WHAT an IDIOT!  It was quite an over reaction and I know that now.  I really think I knew that at the time.  But, there I was, furious about stinky wasted chicken and the fact that I didn't know what the heck to do with it now that it was bad.  If I'm being 100% honest it still kind of irritates me reliving it now.

It's becoming pretty uncomfortable to lay on my back or my stomach.  I can't decide if it's in my head or not.  They say laying on your back is bad because it puts pressure on major blood vessels and other important things.  But it's "the weight of the pregnancy" that puts pressure on everything and I don't feel like I have sufficient weight for it to be an issue yet.  Nonetheless, it doesn't feel all that comfortable so I'm not doing it.  The stomach is more of an issue because  I've always been most comfortable sleeping on my stomach.  It just feels a little achy when I lay on it now  So, I'll stick with side sleeping as much as possible.  And, fun fact for those of you who haven't been pregnant, it's best to lay on the left side.  This promotes the best internal functioning.  Don't ask me why because I have no idea.  I'm looking into getting one of those obnoxiously large pregnancy pillows and James is less than thrilled.  He says I already take up over half the bed (NOT true) and now if we add the giant pillow he'll have no room.  I guess we'll just have to see about that!  And we do have a guest bed so it's not like he'll end up on the floor or anything!  (Just kidding)

We are both shocked and excited about how quickly I seemed to round out.  James said the other day, "No denying it now, you're definitely pregnant" ... to which I naturally replied "Are you calling me fat?!?!"  The poor boy just can't win, but don't feel sorry for him....he likes it :)

Week 15

WHOOOOAAAAA!   Where did that come from?!?!  Also, I ate a lot this week :-)  As of this morning I was up about 4 pounds total.  It's getting more and more obvious but I can still disguise it under t-shirts.  It's a weird clothes transition and I think it's time for me to add some new things to the wardrobe before I go nuts.  Getting exciting and feeling more and more real!  25 weeks to go!  And baby D is now about the size of an apple.

Flip flop.......karate chop?!?

So yesterday out of no where it felt like I was on the drop zone or a roller coaster or something.  Then it felt like little butterflies.  But I can assure you I was no where near a theme park.  In fact, I was in the car riding down a very flat road.  Could that have been the first little baby-moving feeling???  I felt some more butterfly feelings when I laid down to go to sleep last night.  I don't know if that was it or not, but it was cool if it was :-)

The worrier

Worrying is what I do.  Try as I might I can't turn it off or even turn it down a little bit.  I don't just have fleeting thoughts about things like, "Oh, that will be fun" or "Oh, that might be challenging".  Once something pops into my head I try to think it through from start to finish.  I've noticed myself doing this with the most mundane things like planning out which way to shop at Walmart while on the way (instead of doing fruits and veggies last like we usually do, we should do them first since they are in the front and we are going to have to go to the other side of the store once we get to the back).  Or on my way to set ups for work I'll start visualizing the fastest way to get things done (carry this box up, unpack this, bring the beds up, make them etcetc)  I think this is precisely why I lose my mind if something doesn't go according to planned.  Crazy - yes.  But I seriously can't turn it off.

I woke up this morning FREAKED OUT that we're already 14 and a half weeks in.  And we have done NOTHING.  That leaves us 25 and a half weeks to get completely ready for this baby.  On top of that we are being freaking audited and I haven't the slightest clue where to start.  It's really stressing me out.  James is the perfect partner for me because he is the opposite.  His motto is, "It will be fine.  It won't take that long."  Though I disagree 99% of the time (and whatever it is usually ends up being somewhere in the middle of my expectation and his) it's good to have someone trying to chill me out.  However, I feel like some things require a sense of urgency.  I have reached that point with baby prep and the audit at the same time (today) and it has sent me into a tizzy.  I do know in the back of my mind that everything will be fine and get done.  But at this moment I'm trying very hard to talk myself down from WE HAVE SO MUCH TO DO AND NOT ENOUGH TIME AND WHY HAVEN'T WE STARTED?!?!?!?!

The only good thing about this feeling is that it generally launches me into action.  So hopefully the next post will be about how much we have accomplished in just a few short days.  James, if you're reading this, consider it your warning....the crazy beast has arrived in full force.  Love you honey.  ;-)

Week 14

I should have brushed my hair you say??  Pshhhhh.  Hair brushing is overrated...and I was trying to not be late for church so my schedule was out of order.  (I did manage to brush my hair before going to church).  With this update I will tell you that depending on the day I have gained 1.5-3 pounds.  All of my regular clothes still fit but I did go get a "tankini" for the pool this weekend.  The top is a hot mess - too small in one place but giant around my belly.  I am not pleased with it but it will do for now.  Side note - the word "tankini" sounds hi-larious coming out of James Driscoll's mouth (WHAT is a tankini??).
I simply can't shake the tired.  I passed out a little after 10 on Saturday night (PPAARRRR-TAY).  Also, I feel fine during the day but I wake up every single morning with the worst cotton mouth I've ever had.  I'd attribute this to dehydration but with the amount of water I'm drinking I just can't believe that's possible.  However, because this is all I have to complain about I think I'll end by saying praise God I haven't been sick.  I'll take tired cotton-mouth any day.

Easy Lover

Yesterday I found myself rocking out to the Phil Collins hit "Easy Lover" in the van.  It made me think of a few things.  First, I was a totally rad baby/toddler.  I'm pretty sure that is one of the songs that I jammed to when I was 2(ish) (that is according to what I remember my mom telling me and videos I've seen, not recollections :).  Others included Lionel Richie's chart toppers "Dancing on the Ceiling" and "All Night Long" and plenty of John (Cougar) Mellencamp songs.  The parents made sure I had good tunes.  While "Easy Lover" hints at some bad behavior it's no "S&M" or "If You Seek Amy".  Which brings me to my second thought.

Baby and kid proofing these days seems to require A LOT more work.  I do agree that over time some things have gotten a little "too protective" and "too out of hand" but at the same time, better safe than sorry.  But not only do parents have to be much more aware of who is around their kids and whether or not they are going to be snatched off the street walking home from the bus stop, but also just the insane amount of pure GARBAGE on TV, the radio, the internet, the magazines, the everywhere.  I mean even thinking about some of the stuff I DVR would make me cringe if watched around a little one.  Not even the radio is safe....dirty people with their dirty lyrics.

I was talking to someone today about how I went out to play in the neighborhood for the day visiting different friends houses, playing in the creek and riding my bike until the streetlights came on or I heard my dad's ridiculously loud "time to come home" whistle.  I'm almost positive my child will never be allowed to roam the neighborhood freely visiting various friends without us know where (s)he is.  No worries though, since every 8 year old seems to have a cell phone now it shouldn't be hard to get in touch.  Really that part makes me sad.  Not the cell phone part so much (though I think it's a little crazy) but the not having the same kind of childhood.  And I know there is no way to keep the garbage completely away from our tiny new ears.  We've got to find a way to keep baby D protected without being the crazy over protective parents.  I'm sure we'll find the right balance.  I also know it's important for him/her to have other strong and positive adults in his/her life from an early age.  Thankful we have no shortage of those!!

Everything will be just fine but there sure is a lot to think about!  I guess becoming a parent really does mean being worried for at least the next 20-25 years...starting right now.  And actually, I know my parents still worry about me staying safe on a daily basis so we've now entered a lifetime full of worry.  But it's worry that comes with a joy unique and all its own!

Is it Friday yet?!?!?

Holy tired Batman!!  I did have a terrible night's sleep last night courtesy of Miss Madigan Driscoll who decided she was done sleeping and being by herself in her crate at 4am.  She whined and made noise about every 10 minutes (even after I took her to go potty in case there was some potty-mergency...there wasn't) until 6:20 when she was finally allowed to come in bed with us (at her normal time).  I think someone secretly signed her up to start training us for up-all-nights, but really I'd prefer not to start that until we HAVE to :-)


I was also outside in the super hotness for quite a while today- an hour and a half of organizing/cleaning the garage out for a big "shipment" of Home Comforts stuff and Laurie and I unloading said shipment into the garage for another hour.  Don't you worry though, Laurie is an extension of my mom and simply *won't* let me carry anything too heavy.

Needless to say I MUST be in bed tonight at a reasonable time.  It's really only Tuesday and there is a lot left to do in this blasted week.  In other news, James and I ventured out to Babies R Us on Sunday just to look around.  Ohhhh my do we have some decisions to make!  While I feel confident that our child will survive even if we don't manage to choose the world's best stroller/crib/car seat/swing/etcetcetc I do want to make sure we're making informed decisions not only about safety but also about what we will genuinely need.  So, I will start my research now....for you moms and dads out there, what is your opinion on car seat and separate stroller vs. stroller with built in/detachable (infant) car seat?  Also opinions about various sized car seats vs. convertible car seats?  Post a comment or e-mail/Facebook me...I would LOVE to know what you think!!

PS- As I was typing this, Madigan threw up on the carpet and when I went downstairs to get cleaning supplies found that she had pooped on the floor.  What is UP with this dog today?!?!

The beginnings of a bump

And here we have it...week 13 picture from this morning and I think you'll notice a bump beginning to emerge.  It's about that time!  I'm also realizing the importance of taking the pictures in the same spot and the same distance away to get the full week to week effect.

Some things I've noticed, part zwei

Tomorrow we begin week 13 and baby D is the size of a peach (and just as sweet, awwww).  The first observation isn't exactly earth shattering stuff, but my nails, which have always grown relatively fast and been pretty thick now grow overnight and just about require doggy clippers to trim.  Talk about your strong thick nails!
Second, even though you get to bypass the monthly female gift while pregnant you (or at least I) do NOT get to bypass the cramps.  Actually, the cramps are ramped up to make sure you don't forget what they feel like.  It's a different kind of "pain" but for a while there I was pretty much double over for at least a few minutes every night.  I talked to the doctor and she said as long as there was no spotting it could be GI issues (pleasant) or things "stretching and growing".  Hopefully I'm absorbing all of the growing pains for now but it is truly amazing how my body can facilitate creating a fully functional human body starting with a few cells.
After writing that last sentence it shouldn't be a surprise that I'm tired.  All the "experts" say that you should start regaining your energy at the end of the 1st trimester but I seem to be moving backward.  I had some tired days in the past 2 months, but the past few days I've felt like I am made of lead.  My eyes simply won't open before 8:30 and I sort of shuffle from place to place like an old person (no offense shufflers ;-)  Also, my legs feel tired and sore after walking up the stairs.  People, we live in a two story house, not on the 20th floor of a NY apartment building.  There is no excuse for sore legs after one flight.  Let's pull it together!
Fourth, my emotions are running wild from time to time.  I was talking to my dad yesterday trying to tell him about something that was bugging me (work related, really not a big deal) and he started laughing at me.  I almost started crying (way to go Willie).  The lesson here is don't laugh at me unless I say something funny and it's obvious that I MEANT to be funny.  Otherwise I might cry or, even more unfortunate for you, bite your head right off your shoulders.
Fifth, it really is possible to start looking pregnant overnight.  Last Saturday we had a cookout and I ate way too much.  The next day I looked 2 months further along than I had the day before (this was confirmed by Jill, who didn't believe me until I lifted my shirt, to which she said, "Ohhh, yeah, you do!").  Since that day it looks like every time I eat I simultaneously swallow an over sized tennis ball.  It ebbs and flows but I think it's a matter of days before it pops out for good :)
Finally, I'm pretty sure that every woman in the surrounding area is pregnant.  I do think I tended to notice pregnant people more while we were going through our issues (bump envy is REAL) than before we started trying but now they are EVERYWHERE.  Guess that's like the phenomenon that you've never seen a car like that until you start driving it. 
My eyes are starting to droop so I'm going to bed but I'll try to notice things that are more interesting in the next few weeks.  Have a good weekend!