...or I guess I'm here for the first time since no one actually has a link to this blog yet. Obviously based on the first 2 posts James and I had an unsuccessful IVF attempt back in Oct/Nov 2010. Unless you've experienced infertility, it's hard to put into words the absolute heartbreak that comes with MONTHS of preparation and 3-4 daily injections (baby ones and intramuscular ones..OUCH!), being filled with 16 eggs at once (TMI?) seeing 3 beautiful embryos (who else SEES their babies before they are even implanted??) through a microscope (twice, 1st attempt and 2nd attempt). Lying in bed for 3 days and then waiting out the rest of the two weeks on pins and needles...was that a symptom? Surely I'm pregnant! Just to go in for blood work (for probably the 200th time) and get the phone call several hours later..."I'm sorry, but it was negative". I know there are worse things, more traumatic things, more devastating things. But in our world at that moment it was the world's worst blow. YOU FAILED. I'm sorry, but no baby for you. That room that should be a nursery? No need, just keep it an office. Those big plans you had to celebrate the next holiday with the joy of knowing a baby (or 2 or 3) would soon be here? Yeah, go ahead and forget those. That piece of your heart you know belongs to your future children? Empty. And I can't tell you how long it will be empty and unfulfilled...for now, just keep watching other people experience the joy of pregnancy and children and be happy for them. But know that when you're alone you'll cry...sometimes for 2 minutes, sometimes for 20. WHY can't we have that?
WELL GUESS WHAT?!? IT'S FINALLY OUT TURN TO HAVE THAT!!! Prayers have been answered, blessings have been showered upon us and the planning and dreaming have already begun. I am 7 weeks pregnant! 7 weeks is still in the "danger zone" but I have to allow myself to be positive and hopeful and to be sure this is it. I can't wait to see the heartbeat on May 5th. I can't wait to report back all of the exciting information we get that day. Until May 5th we are going to bask in the wonderfulness and believe whole-heartedly that it is finally our time. Little blueberry, we worked HARD for you and I promise this is just the beginning. You weren't just wanted, you were FOUGHT for. You weren't just planned, you were designed. You aren't just a blessing, you are a miracle. We love you already.
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